What Do You Want?

Learn to stand up for yourself and live a more aligned life, with me right by your side.

I just gave myself perhaps the most strange, unexpected and – truly – life-changing gift.

Can you guess what it is?

I didn’t splurge on a new car or a brand-new wardrobe. I didn’t play hooky and takemyself to the spa or my favorite tea room. I didn’t even curl up in bed with my heating pad and a good book.

That’s right – the most life-altering present I’ve ever given myself is the gift of my own shower, sink and (ahem) toilet.

I wrote about this on Instagram this week – and my post got a lot of attention. Rightly so: it’s a provocative idea with some real “You Go, Girl!” energy.

But today I want to talk about how I got to the point of making this decision, and what it reminded me about what happens…

When we don’t pause to know ourselves and what we want

When we don’t pay attention to our own needs

When we don’t stay on our own side.

So let me back up: I live in a lovely home with my husband, teenage son, our dog and our new kitten. When we first moved in six years ago, the house felt huge. And after living in a townhouse half the size, it WAS huge. Over time though, like we all do, we filled the space. 

Routines shifted, people spread out, needs changed…

…and suddenly, about a year ago, I opened my eyes and realized that all three of us – me, Dan and Eli – were all using one bathroom. Not just any bathroom – the smallest bathroom.

It didn’t bother me too much at first... until it did. 

Messy countertops, wet towels on the floor, pee on the seat (gross but true). As the only woman in the house (even our pets are male!), I started to get angsty.

It began with a joke: When we move to a new house, I am going to have my own bathroom with a lock on the door. No boys allowed!

Over time this became my common refrain as I picked up dirty clothes, wiped down surfaces, and negotiated for space at the mirror. The more I repeated it, the resentful I got.

Then in July, I went by myself to New Zealand to visit family. While I was there, I had a bathroom to myself. I luxuriated in the space, the time to exhale and relax – and frankly, to brush my teeth in peace!

So when I came home, I made a decision: I’m taking over the unused, upstairs bathroom. 

This is important.

Because I didn’t ask for permission. 

I didn’t request this change, or pose the idea to my family and see what they thought.  

I chose for myself.

As you can see in my post, it’s honestly been life changing. 

When was the last time you chose for yourself? That’s what we’re going to explore today.

Try This Out 

Learning to make choices that are in your best interest requires knowing yourself. 

This may sound obvious, but it’s actually not something many of us have practiced. Especially those of us who were raised to put others before self and not take up too much space.

For me, the path to self-understanding began when I worked with my first coach. Through powerful questions and the safe space she created, I started practicing being honest with myself, and about myself: my dreams, my fears, my goals, my needs.

You don’t have to work with a coach to begin to know yourself, or to deepen your self-understanding (although an outside guide is always an accelerator in this process). You can begin simply by reflecting on these questions:

• What do you want?

• What else do you want?

• And if you could have anything else, what would it be?

They seem simple on the surface, but sit with these questions long enough and you’ll uncover powerful truths about yourself. 

Truths that you can act on. 

Truths that will get you closer to what feels aligned and authentic to you. 

Truths that just might change your life.

What’s Next

I’ll be honest, there have been times during this decision where I waivered. Where I worried I was being selfish or disagreeable. Where I almost gave up.

Learning to listen to your inner voice, trust your needs, and be on your own side – none of it feels comfortable. 

It forces us to confront all sorts of deep topics: letting people down, standing out, claiming our desires.

And – it’s exactly the work that’s needed if you want to make meaningful changes in your life.

If you’re ready to get started, I’d love to guide you through it. 

Reply to this email and let’s talk about how coaching with me can support you to know what you want – whether that’s a career pivot, a different relationship dynamic, or even a new bathroom – and then go out and make it real.