What Fear is Actually Telling You
I’m sitting on my screened-in porch as I write to you today – listening to the birds singing and savoring the breeze on my cheek and feeling like everything is right with the world.
In this moment, for me, it is.
And also? This week has been such an emotional rollercoaster.
Actually, maybe it’s been more like a tug-of-war between my head and my heart – with no winner declared and each one feeling bruised and battered.
My heart wants to hold on to my faith –
That things are working out, that opportunity is on its way, and that there’s more than enough (love, money, time) to go around.
But my head? My head thinks it knows better –
That I’m deluding myself.
That my shortcomings and insecurities are the root cause of my suffering.
That deep down, I know: I don’t have what it takes to be successful.
Honestly, I’m amazed I’m still sitting upright after all this!
Yesterday, in an attempt to find wholeness and stillness again – to quiet this inner warfare – I pulled out all my tools:
Meditation
Visualization
Listening to courses from coaches I trust
Making art
Walking
Resting
(Not to mention, I also worked and parented and cooked dinner and folded laundry!)
And what came to me, through this reflection and making and connection time, was the uncovering of a fear that I’ve held close to my heart for probably forever – but never wanted to face:
What if there’s something wrong with me?
Whether I’m facing a parenting challenge, or a business question, or even a doubt about a friendship…I realized there’s a little popcorn-sized kernel of fear, down deep inside, that asks:
What if the problem is me?
The reason I can’t get through to my 13 year-old? Me.
The reason I haven’t reached a specific revenue target yet? Me.
The reason I wasn’t invited to sit with the ‘in group’ at that event? Me.
(Again, it’s a miracle that I showered and put clothes on today!)
Waking up this morning after a good night’s sleep, I now see my fear more clearly.
Of course, it’s not fair or reasonable or even true to say that all of my problems are because of my shortcomings. I am smart and capable and supported. If I’m struggling, I know how to help myself. Not to mention, I’ve achieved so much success in my life – because of me!
It’s also important to acknowledge, however, that I do get in my own way. I make big plans and then fail to follow through. I second guess my decisions and look for ways to outsource decisions and ownership to others. I’m not an expert at everything, and so sometimes I try and I fail.
This is one of the blessings of turning towards your fears: finding the truth.
Not the sensationalized conclusions or exaggerated worries, and not the Pollyanna wishful thinking.
Facing your fears helps you find the middle ground – your solid, stable, true starting point for understanding yourself and achieving your goals. Ready to give it a try?
Try This Out
So now it’s your turn: what are you afraid of?
As I hope you’re starting to see, fear actually offers us an opportunity.
If we can be brave enough to pause and consider our fear…to roll it around in our palm like a small rock we picked up on the beach…what we’ll see is that it’s actually giving us clues about what matters to us.
What you’re af4raid of holds the key to unlock what you truly care about.
Today, choose a fear you’ve been holding on to – it can be big or small! – and practice exploring it with these questions:
How is this fear impacting your life?
Who might you be if you weren’t held back by this fear?
What does your heart say is the next, right step?
What To Do Next
Looking to go deeper?
Find these questions about fear, and many others, in Volume 1: Discover from the “100 Days of Designing My Life: The Reflection Journal” series.
Practice using your intuition and hone your own internal guidance system using The Little Deck of Sweet Reflections
Join me live on Thursday June 25 as we talk about crafting an action plan for your goal, and designing small, consistent steps to achieve it (especially relevant for folks leading teams or complex projects at work).
Did this newsletter spark any new ideas or insights for you? I’d love to hear from you.
Onward,
